Woman-ness
On the femme lesbian identity as femme has become a catch-all term that now swallows lesbian in favor of broad understandings
Welcome to Issue 13 of Obsessions, one lesbianās obsession with the body and culture. In this post, I will be writing about femme lesbian identity. I wanted to do some brief housekeeping first. I will not be offering subscription based content until 2022 when I turn 40. This means that yes all of yāall that are free subscribers will get all of my posts for now! This also means that the best thing you can do to support my work is to āheartā the posts, promote it on Twitter, and forward my work to people you know.
I did make an error in January talking about Dave Chappelleās privilege walking away from The Chappelle Show. I failed to do enough research to really understand why he had walked away from the show which you can better understand by watching this interview, and I also implied that the show was produced by Netflix when it was Comedy Central. Thank you K for helping me to fact check and present accurate information!
I did not go on a run yesterday because the fatigue hit me after I ate my big bulgogi beef kimchi burrito. I entered KOI fusion at 12:02 p.m. after waiting 30 seconds for the men inside with masks on to either leave or move like puzzle pieces in one direction. One man was leaning lazily against the counter and all the men were wearing cargo pants and t-shirts with baseball caps. They cleared the small counter restaurant so I could go in and pick up my pre-ordered burrito. According to my loose rules, they were being chivalrous and Iām kinda okay with that word and that idea.
Yes, do clear an indoor restaurant when a woman or someone who is AFAB* is waiting outside to avoid overcrowded spaces.
Do not say anything to her/them, especially āsmile.ā
Look at her/them in her yellow cropped sweatshirt and Lululemon pants with pirate boots and continue to say nothing. Success.
I am not George Clooney. I do not smell like musk and hair and deep voice. I do not get treated like a George Clooney look alike who is making an important phone call. I want to specify something more. I walk erect like I could be one of Beyonceās back-up dancers and I smell like Ylang Ylang which if you havenāt smelled it before smells like sweet dark wood dipped in cinnamon and cardamom. There is no reason for these men not to treat me like Iām not George Clooney on an important phone call besides my height, my breasts, and my assā¦okay and maybe my pirate boots that are covered in dirt. I have never been āsirād,ā in my life. I donāt pass for a musky, John Wayne sorta guy. Ā Ā
Woman-ness.
Another way of saying crop-top sweatshirts in bright colors?
Woman-ness.
Someone who smells like cinnamon?
Woman-ness.
Someone who has fewer benefits at work because their work is considered feminine?
Thereās a non-binary person I follow on Instagram that works as a sex educator that reminds me of womanness. They wear a lot of thongs and lace and eat citrus while fingering it. They have a really high-pitched voice. Sometimes, I listen to them speak and have trouble listening because of the voice. Iām just being honest. I am not fond of really high-pitched voices, and yes I do feel guilty about it. I would prefer my sex educator to sound like Angelina Jolie, a voice deep enough to create a black hole in the universe. Have you listened to Angelina Jolieās voice? (Other folxs that also have very sexy voices are Rachel Maddow, Leonard Cohen (dead since 2016), Chavela Vargas (dead since 2012), Mae West (dead 1980), and Lonnie Rashid Lynn who is also known as Common. I want to be clearā¦I am not talking about these folxs singing voices. Iām talking about the sheer ordinariness of speaking with a voice that was dipped in darkness, honey or purple rain. Some folxs they just got it.
I digress.
There is no reason for these men not to treat me like Iām not on an important phone call at all times besides my woman-ness and my shortness (and the shortness as well is related to racism).
I resent my woman-ness sometimes. I resent how the way I look more like a Beyonce back-up dancer than I do look like a queer comedian means I also look straight. I want to look like an old school femme lesbian and be read as such. I donāt want other queers to assume I am new to our community, and be āsplained to by a 20 year old bowtie non-binary human. I want the word femme to still mean femme lesbian instead of a broad catch-all term for all things queer that also are kind of feminine. I feel swallowed by the new definition of the word, like a sort of passing into the future with no recognition of the right of passage. A right of passage that was never written down remains a ball of neurotic digressions.
Thank you for reading, Renee
*AFAB is an acronym for assigned female at birth
What Iām listening to this week:
Podcasts: Who Cares? (Part 3): Domestic Workers w/Ai-jen Poo
Music: Waterfalls covered by Ten Fe